Ouch! How The Worst Sex Injuries Happen

We might not like thinking about sex injuries, but unfortunately, they happen. The problem is that they happen a lot more often than we would like, and the chances of getting hurt in the line of duty are pretty high.

A man covers his crotch after reading about some of the horrific sex injuries

Thankfully, it seems that the vast majority of sex related injuries are caused in the same ways, and so, by learning what makes them happen, we can avoid them completely! So, if you would rather save yourself the torment and pain that sex injuries can lead to, you might want to keep on reading.

Here on the Escort Norway blog, we take a look at the worst sex injuries out there, finding out what it is that can cause them, and just how you can avoid them in the future!

Putting things where they don’t belong

When we first started to look at the data released by the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS), we were expecting that the injuries might just be cuts and bruises from fucking when you haven’t got steady footing. After all, we hear a lot of stories about people falling during sex.

However, it seems that the biggest of all sex injuries that they have had to deal with is actually something else entirely. Of the 433 records they spoke about, a whopping 241 of them were foreign bodies. People were basically using things they had found around the house to make their own sex toys. In case you hadn’t already twigged: that is a bad idea. Cases of people putting pencils up their asses, only to lose track of them, made up just a small number of the “foreign bodies” accounted for. Homemade cock rings made of pipe, toilet plungers for dildos, and even pool balls were found.

However, the next biggest culprit, next to the “not stated” category, seems to be laceration. This could come from a number of different sources, but what should you be on the lookout for when you are trying to avoid these sex injuries?

The main suspect

Of course, the information came with additional points to help us figure out what it is we need to avoid in the bedroom. I’m hoping that most of us realise that, if we want to play with sex toys, we are better off just going and buying some. People are put off because they don’t know where to put their toys, but thankfully, Zoe has you covered. She talks on our blog about best places to hide your sex toys.

However, it seems that, of the 433 sex injuries they examined, a large number has actually been caused by “massage devices or vibrators”. This did, admittedly, not include shower attachments, which we imagine have their own category. So it seems that people are not only making their own sex toys, but when they do buy proper ones, they are using them incorrectly.

The next biggest culprit in the bedroom? The bed itself. It could be that people are hitting themselves on the headboard, or perhaps they have been using the bedposts themselves as make shift dildos and getting themselves stuck and in trouble? It seems that, no matter where you go during sex, you might just risk hurting yourself in some way.

Where you get hurt the most

Believe it or not, hurting your penis or your cunt isn’t actually the most likely of all places to damage with sex injuries. Yes, it is up there, but there is another area on your body that you are more likely to injur, and that is your lower trunk.

The trunk, more often referred to as the torso, and particularly the lower area, seems quite susceptible to injury. Given the fact that “foreign bodies” are a large part of sex injuries, we can see why.

A number of people will get the different homemade sex toys stuck in their bodies… but they will then damage them. This means that pieces get lodged places that you do not want them to, and so people go into hospital complaining of pain caused by the object. The moral of the story here? Don’t go playing with things that should not be played with.

The most dangerous month

The information also showed us which months were the worst for the number of sex injuries reported. While February and Valentine’s Day was up there, sitting happily in number three, it seems that there are two other months worse for getting injured in the bedroom.

July seems to be the worst. It might be that the summer months make us so horny and hot that we simply lose our heads. Common sense can go out of the window and make sex dangerous, hence the number of injuries.

The next dangerous month? April. When the April showers fall, it can make people look for things to do inside… and sex is just one of the things. If you want to avoid sex injuries, it seems that March is the best time. This might be due to the fact it is so close to Valentine’s Day, and that some people are settling back into a routine without sex.

Your worst sex injuries

If you want to avoid sex injuries, the information released shows that all you have to do is be a little more sensible with the things you do in bedroom. If you want to play with sex toys, buy real ones. Don’t make your own, as this can only end badly.

Have you got an embarrassing sex story you want to share? Perhaps you have heard of even worse sex injuries that you think should be on the list?

Use the comment box below to let us know what you think. You can also head over to the Escort Norway forum and sign up. You might just hear something even more shocking than pencils left in asses for days on end!

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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