Five Awful Excuses For Sex Injuries

There must be nothing worse than going to the hospital with a sex injury. Just imagine it; you are sat there in pain, and then this young female doctor comes and asks what’s wrong. You will either tell her that you did it whilst having sex, or you will think of an absolutely ridiculous excuse as to why you are there. There are plenty of people in the latter section.

Ill man in hospital bed

Because of this, there have been some quite bizarre excuses used for sexual injury. Well, your friends here at Escort Norway are going to bring you some of the best. They have been taken from medical professionals responses on Reddit. If even half of them are true, I think I will need a lie down.

Here goes.

1) I Have To Hoover Naked

“I worked as an orderly in the local ER as a university student and a man came in with a vacuum cleaner hose stuck on his penis.

“He arrived wearing a sweater, shoes and a blanket and insisted that he had been instructed to clean his house while nude because of his dust allergy.

“While vacuuming, the man had become (his words), “inexplicably fatigued” and took an impromptu nap with the Hoover still running. At this time, his penis must have flopped into the vacuum hose. His his arousal was, he insisted, involuntary.

“The hose was finally cut off with a surgical rotary saw.” – sinisterdan

My word, if you have had a few hours to think of something, you should be able to do better than that.

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2) I Was Trying to be a Chicken

“Elderly man and wife enter the ED. The male’s in obvious distress, but he initially refused to elaborate in triage. Once roomed, he will not speak with his wife present.
“When alone with staff, he finally tells us. He had a plastic easter egg lodged deep in his bum. Asked with what happened, he simply replies: ‘I wanted to know what it’s like to be a chicken.'” – baconair

Since when do chickens have easter eggs up their bum? I never thought that would be a question I asked.

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3) Duck Ripped Open My Scrotum

“Friend of mine is an A&E nurse. She had a bloke come in who had had his scrotum ripped open. It turned out he liked to wade into the local pond stark naked and scatter bread around his genitalia for the ducks to nibble on.

“One had got impatient and gone for the whole payday in one chomp, and refused to let go. He had eventually ripped the skin pulling it off.” – Ioethe

This may not have been a lie by the way, but it is so incredibly strange, that I just had to share it. He must have been ‘quackers’. Ok, OK, that is the end of the awful puns.

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4) I’ve Been Eating Carrot Soup

“My aunt is a doctor (and usually pretty strict about her vow of silence) and one day this old guy showed up with a carrot stuck in his a*****e. It’s obviously awkward so my aunt decided not to ask too many questions.

“But the dude was constantly like ‘how did this happen?’ and I SWEAR TO GOD (well, my aunt does) that the guy kept asking if it might’ve been because he’d eaten carrot soup two days before.” – Alliki

There is more chance of me meeting Bugs Bunny than that being true.

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5) Henry The Hoover For Company

“Guy came in with a vacuum cleaner nozzle around his penis. Tried to hide it, and his nakedness by wearing a greatcoat-probably would have gotten away with it except that he didn’t detach the Henry Hoover, which was trailing in after him.” – sparki101

That really would have been a sight!

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So there we go, there really are some stupid people in the world. Maybe they should stop doing stuff like sticking their dick in a hoover?

A novel thought, I know.

Martin Ward
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Martin Ward

Martin Ward is a well respected editor and writer with over five years experience in the adult industry. After stints in the Escort Advertising call centre and on the escort forum, he moved into the site editor position around three years ago.

Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.

When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
Martin Ward
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