Dirty Talk Phrases That Just Don’t Work!

Dirty talk is a lot of fun to do in the bedroom, and often we are told that there is absolutely no way you can get it wrong. Even if you feel a bit awkward saying some of the things, people believe that it is not what you say, but how you say it that makes it dirty. In the heat of the moment it doesn’t matter, right? Wrong. In fact, there are some dirty talk phrases that just don’t work, no matter how sexy or husky your voice is as you utter the words.

A sexy woman lies on a bed wearing lingerie, discussing dirty talk phrases with her partner

There are some great phrases you can use pretty much any time during dirty talk, but there are other dirty talk phrases that you are best not saying… no matter what the internet might suggest! Here on the Escort Norway blog, we take a look at the things that you are best not saying in the bedroom during your dirty talk session, and give you the kinky alternatives that will work so much better! Got some great suggestions that you want to share? The comment box below is open to you, so give us your hottest dirty talk phrases.

Giving directions

Sex shouldn’t need a sat-nav, so if you have some ideas for the kinky things you want your partner to do during sex, don’t make it seem like you are a sat-nav trying to give them directions. “Turn left” works well if you’re in a car and lost, but if you’re in bed this can be a huge turn off.

There is really only one time that dirty talk phrases can be demanding and work well at the same time, and that is in a dominant/submissive relationship. If you aren’t in that kind of relationship, don’t expect that “suck my dick” comment to go down too well.

Try things like “I love the feeling of your lips on my body… I’d love to see how they feel wrapped around my cock”. It lets them know what you want without making it seem like you are just barking orders at them, and by encouraging them in this way you are much more likely to get what you want most of all. Plus, it sounds sexy as hell that you want more from us.

Daddy? No thank you!

For whatever reason, some people like to bring up the name “daddy” in dirty talk. It is one of the most popular dirty talk phrases. Some people are okay with this, as they feel comfortable with it, but most people find that it is actually a HUGE turn off. Do you really want to bring family up during sex?

Some men want to feel as though they are in control and that they are the top dog. If you do, you shouldn’t ask her “who’s the daddy?”. If you ask that, you might have them reply “you”, but the chances are that they are just going to give you a strange look and try to get your cock out of them as soon as possible. Instead, make it clear to them that you are in control. Tell them that you are going to be in charge, and if you want to hear them calling you anything, tell them to say “sir”, “boss”, or “master”. It adds a kinky twist and gives you the little ego boost you’re looking for.

There are also some women out there who enjoy saying it, especially if they person they are fucking is older than them. If you don’t feel comfortable with being called “daddy”, let them know and suggest that you come up with another name between you. You are sure to find an alternative you both enjoy.

Comments about size

Size does matter. People might say otherwise, but it really does. However, it tends not to matter to the person you are sleeping with. It tends to be you who has the issue. If your cock is a little on the smaller side, you might feel a little sensitive about it, and that can make you read more into what might just be some innocent dirty talk phrases.

For example, your partner might be bouncing up and down on your cock and try to sensually whisper “you like that, don’t you, little guy?”. This can make you instantly go soft, as you feel like you aren’t big enough. As with the daddy comment, you should take the time to explain to them that you don’t like this. For a start, it is patronising, and when you’re in the middle of sex you really don’t want to be made to feel small. Just get them to drop the “little guy” part and you’ll find it is one of the hottest comments you could hear in the moment.

This also means that you shouldn’t bring up size yourself, unless you know your partner is okay with it. If you love their big beautiful tits, just say that you love kissing and licking their tits all over. Avoid words like “fat” and “huge”. You don’t need to bring up size, and by saying it in this way you’ll get to tell them how much you love their body.

Overconfidence in bed

Confidence is sexy. If you love your body and think you have skills in bed, it can work really well for you. What isn’t sexy is overconfidence. If you think you’re a sex god and can make a woman squirt across the room with nothing more than a flick of your tongue, it can leave your partner feel pretty disappointed if your skills don’t live up to your boasts.

We’ve all been there. We’ve had people say to us in the middle of sex “I’m going to make you come so hard” and then, ten minutes later, we’re still waiting for it… and waiting… and waiting. This is when fake orgasms happen the most, as we’ll get so bored that we just moan a little and wriggle around a bit to get it over with. Of course, sometimes people aren’t quite as generous. If you’re not living up to your promise, they are going to tell you.

That is why you should never say something like “you’ve never had it like this before”. It might seem like a sexy and confident thing to say, but if you are hitting all of the wrong buttons your partner is actually much more likely to turn around and say “actually, I’ve had it a lot better”. Cue the bruised ego. Basically, you shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep, so instead of bragging about your skills, focus on the person you’re sleeping with. Are their lips fantastic on your cock? Tell them that. It’ll let them know that they are on the right lines and, when it is your turn to go to work, they’ll know what kind of things to say in return.

Anything not agreed previously

Spontaneous sex can be great! You’re just talking at home, eyeing each other up, and suddenly you’re passionately stripping each other of clothes, kissing every inch of skin that you can touch. It is a huge turn on, but what isn’t sexy is taking things too far and trying to slip something into your sex session that hasn’t been agreed to previously. So, if you’re looking for some dirty talk phrases to help you express your kinky side, here are the right and wrong ways to do it.

Where you’re going to finish is one of the big ones. When you’re fucking, you might like the idea of her taking a load in the face like your favourite porn star, but unless you’ve agreed to it beforehand, don’t tell them “I’m going to cum on your face” when you are just seconds away from finishing. If they aren’t down with the idea, they might pull away and put distance between you and your cock. Definitely not the outcome you had in mind! If you want to finish somewhere other than the condom, tell them that beforehand. They might like the idea of this kinky twist to things, but if they don’t we are sure you can find a hot alternative.

The same goes for kinky sex. Unless you have talked about it beforehand, don’t try and do it! Instead, drop subtle hints. If you want to try anal with them, say that you love the way their ass looks during doggy style. This gives them the idea that you like staring at their ass, and afterwards you can talk about your kinky desires. Just don’t, in the middle of sex, put your cock at the entrance to their ass and expect their cheeks to part like the Red Sea. Some kinky sex requires preparation, and having that conversation with them gives you the chance to address any concerns and make sure you get it right. It also means they are much less likely to turn you down and flat out refuse to even bother trying it.

After sex dirty talk phrases

After sex is known as the best time to talk about what worked and didn’t work in the bedroom. In the post-orgasm glow, when you’re both feeling relaxed, you can confess your deepest and darkest desires. However, that doesn’t mean you can drop in dirty talk phrases like “I’d love to rim your dirty asshole”. Bluntness doesn’t work here and can really ruin the mood, so try things like “I had a sex dream recently” to start things off. If they don’t like the idea, you can say that it was just a dream, but if they like what they hear, you’ll know it and can start discussing that kinky fantasy.

It is also a bad idea to bring up straight forwards questions and dirty talk phrases right after sex. Don’t ask someone “how was it for you?” or “did you like that?” if you really don’t want a blunt response. They might just give it to you, and if you thought you were doing well, a quick “it was shit” can ruin your confidence. Instead, say something like “what’s your favourite sex position?”. This will give you the position they love the most, and it will also give you an idea why the position you were in before didn’t quite work for them. You can also try something like “I want to make you feel good. What did I do that worked well for you?”. They can then explain the things that you did right while giving you some tips on things that will work even better in the future.

Got some other things you’ve heard during dirty talk that you think we need to avoid, or have you got some stories you want to share with us? We want to hear about the best and worst dirty talk phrases you’ve heard or used in the bedroom. Tell us in the comment box below or by joining in the conversation on the Escort Norway forum about your experiences with dirty talk. You might just help others find the best and worst things that they can say in the heat of the moment!

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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