I didn’t think a lot about visiting Norway until I got acquainted with a 34-year-old businessman at London Stansted Airport.
For some reason on the day that I was flying out for a holiday, the security section was extremely busy, and it was filled with chavs and stressed-out couples. I was waiting in the queue to play my rucksack in the tray, when the businessman turned around and told me a bunch of satirical jokes to keep himself occupied.
We began to talk about where we were going; I was going to Madrid for a holiday, and he was going back to Oslo for work. When we started to talk about Oslo, the guy said that no one really goes to Norway for leisure purposes. I don’t think that it’s true, but then again, you don’t hear a lot of people talking about going to Oslo, or Norway overall, for a holiday.
Now, if a capital city like London, Paris, or Berlin can be beautiful and lively enough for one person to visit, then Oslo must be a place worth visiting in the country. Since the area is packed full of both multicultural and Norwegian escorts, you can’t say that there’s nothing exciting about the capital of Norway!
If you’re nothing like me, you want to plan where to go and what to do during your vacation time. But if you’re having a bit of trouble in choosing which places you want to visit, either by yourself or with a gorgeous escort in Oslo, then listen up.
University Botanic Gardens
Ok, I’m not much of a ‘Girls’ fan, but I did like the episode in the first season where Jessa was walking through a park with an ex, looking like an Americanised geisha, before getting fucked outside of her bedroom window while Shoshanna was watching them. There’s nothing better than spending some time outside in the fresh air, while catching some Vitamin A from the sun, so why not do that at the Botanical Gardens?Located in Tøyen, a district in the centre of the capital, this little piece of flowery heaven is open from 7 AM until 9 PM, and it’s also accompanied by a museum that showcases a range of zoology, botany and geology exhibits.
Paleet Shopping Centre
Of course, there are tourists and visitors that don’t want to feel like they’ve travelled back to a time where forests are the only places that they could have fun in. No one could help seeing the latest dress in a high fashion retail shop, and handing over their credit cards to the cashier whenever they’d give into temptation; I guess that is the reason why the capital has the Paleet Shopping Centre in Karl Johans Gate.
Filled with 9 restaurants, over 15 designer stores, and 4 touristic neighbours such as the Royal Palace and the Parliament Building, the shopping centre also gives you the opportunity to splash your cash tax-free if you live outside of Norway, Denmark, Sweden or Finland. That could come in handy if you want to make a refund and use the money to spend on a gift for a gorgeous courtesan instead.
If you don’t know it by now, Norway is renowned for being one of the countries that serve the best seafood and shellfish in Northern Europe.
Well, that and Sweden and Finland too. And if Oslo can provide both visitors and locals with really good seafood, then it can servce some of the best sushi in the Scandinavian region. It would make sense, right?
If you ask an escort which is the best seafood restaurant to go and eat in the area, she would definitely tell you to book a table for two at Alex Sushi. With the help of its very profound chef-team, the sushi restaurant has been creating top quality food in an open kitchen for the past 15 years. If there is one thing that the chefs at the restaurant take great pride in, it would be style. From the soy sauce to the chopsticks to the plates, everything is served in a minimalistic format, which emphasises the modern design of the restaurant.
Then again, your legs might get tired from carrying all of the shopping bags in Paleet, and you can’t be asked to haul their asses over to Cort Adelers Gate for some sushi. If that feeling would ever occur to you while you’re buying yourselves a couple of Norwegian souveniers, then you might as well savour some Norwegian cuisine at Hos Thea, which according to Tripadvisor is number one on their top 10 list of restaurants in Oslo.
Whether you order something meaty, fishy, or vegetarian, the restaurant will always find the right wine to fit with that meal. The venue may look small and dated on the outside, but inside is a whole other story; you’ll feel like you’ve stepped into an underground leisure area that the owners don’t want you to know about, unless you have a big wad of cash in your wallet.
I’m kidding, of course, but what I will say is don’t judge a book by its cover. In this case, don’t judge a restaurant by its wooden chairs and chipped paint.
Thon Hotel Rosenkrantz Oslo
If you’re going to spend some quality time with a sexy escort, or masseuse, or even a dominatrix, you have to make sure that the place you want to fulfil all of your intimate desires in is luxurious and private enough for you to do them in. Like any capital city would have, Oslo is packed full of 5-star hotels and accommodations that would make their guests feel like Kings and Queens, and Thon Hotel Rosenkrantz is one of them.
The interior design and the patterns they use for their bed linens look like a summer fashion launch made by Kenzo, and that is a good thing. Alongside its free wifi that you can use to post Instagram photos of your Norwegian meal, the hotel has a fitness centre, a guest lounge, and a brasserie when you want to go outside. What’s great about the hotel is that you can check-out as late as 6 PM on Sundays; I think that service is fantastic for punters that like to experience a long but thrilling night with a hot courtesan from Oslo!
I don’t know why the hotel is called ‘The Thief’, but it sounds pretty awesome. It makes me think of a building that could sweep me off my feet and keep me locked in its en-suite rooms for nearly all of eternity.
It would be an excuse for me to say to my friends that ‘the thief stole my heart’, or ‘the thief stole my love over interior design’. Well, once you’ve seen the interior design of this hotel, you’ll be trying to barter with the manager on the price of the rent on one of their rooms.
If the design of the rooms isn’t enough for you to fall in love with the building, then maybe its luxury spa would do the trick. Seriously, the mood lighting that is set in the pool area makes me want to have sex in it! Since it is settled near the harbour and the Tjuvholmen sculpture park, you’d wake up the next morning with the view of the archipelagos outside of your window, and your chosen courtesan by your side.
If I save up enough money and not blow it out on expensive dildos and condoms, I would book a ticket to Oslo next year and see if I could bump into that business man again; he might be able to take me to a few places before showing me his favourite hotel room in the capital. For those that are based in Oslo, and could think of a million other places that I could visit there, why don’t you let me know in the comments section below, on the community forum, or on my twitter page if you have an account?
She is possibly most famous for her erotic stories, but is equally adept at giving top quality sex advice, all the time bringing in her 'personal experiences'.
When she isn't sharing her most intimate encounters, Zoe keeps herself active by watching videos on Youtube, and listening to music.