BDSM: Should You Take Charge Or Submit?

Sex is fun, but after a while of sticking with just vanilla you get a little bored. You want to expand your horizons and try something new. Often, this means taking the plunge and entering the world of BDSM.

young masked couple in love, studio shot on white

Contrary to popular belief, BDSM isn’t all whips, chains, and pain. In fact, for many it doesn’t require this at all. But for those eager to try it out, it is hard to know where to start. Should you be the one dominating your partner in the bedroom, or should you be the one giving up control so you can submit to them?

What is BDSM?

BDSM covers a huge range of things, though it tends to focus on things like bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. As you can imagine, this means that a lot of the kinky things you love to do are a part of BDSM.

The problem is when people think of BDSM, they think of pain. They believe that the focus of BDSM is the pain, but that isn’t the case.

Often, the focus is instead of giving up control to someone else. You can either submit to someone else or have others submit to you. It is a huge turn on and can really spice things up in the bedroom… all without needing to grab a spanking paddle or bondage rope.

BDSM is all about control
Original source: Tenor

Taking charge

It is satisfying when you take charge in the bedroom. This can be something as simple as being on top during sex, or it could be more intense by getting your partner to follow your every instruction to the letter, or there will be kinky consequences.

It feels amazing to have control in bed. You can choose the sex positions or tell your partner to get on their knees. You can agree with your partner beforehand that you will be dominating them, and so they know what to expect.

You’ll love being able to give your partner an instruction and watch as they carry it out. It is great for getting what you desire the most in the bedroom, and is going to leave you feeling like a god. They have put their trust in you to guide them through your sex session.

Taking control in the bedroom and being dominant is a turn on
Original source: iHeartBDSM

When you submit…

On the other side of things, you might prefer to give up control to someone else. For some people, submitting to their partner is by far the sexiest thing that they can do. You’ll know that you have to obey, and sometimes this is all you are told until the session gets underway.

Most people, however, will sit down with their partner and explain what they want. You’ll get an idea of what to expect and this can be a huge turn on. The anticipation of becoming a toy for someone else is a huge turn on.

You might simply be told to bend over for your partner, or you might be instructed to answer “yes mistress” or “yes master” to everything they command. You are giving yourself over to them completely. What could be sexier?

Being submissive means giving yourself over to someone else
Original source: BDSMLR

You could be a switch

There are, however, some people out there who enjoy both. They like to dominate sometimes, while on other occasions they are more than happy to submit. These are switches, and if you like the idea of both, you might just be one.

Being a switch means that you can easily change from dominating to submissive if the situation demands it.

This is particularly fun if you are feeling like a bit of a tease. You might get on top of your partner and hear them tell you to roll over so that they can fuck you, only to reply with “make me”. Then the situation will change and you’ll submit to them. It’s kinky and you get the best of both worlds!

If you can give and take, then you are a switch
Original source: Giphy

Which one is right for you?

As for which one is right for you, this is something only you can answer. You might feel that you don’t have the right attitude to dominate someone, or you might feel like giving up control when you submit just isn’t what you want.

Do you have experience of either? Are you more dominant, submissive, or a switch capable of both? We want to hear from you! Let us know which you love the most by leaving a comment in the box below.

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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